Anyway, it's New Year's Eve, and so I'm trying to be thoughtful about the coming year. In the words of my friend Ian, 2007 did not live up to predictions (at least, that was the gist, sorry Ian if I misquote); in some ways, it far exceeded them. In others, it felt like dragging myself through quicksand. So, what do we do with this? For some reason, we feel the need to sum things up, organize time into periods called "years" that we can toast to and greet with a plan and a party hat. Yet the more we plan and resolute (does that work as a verb?), the more we feel powerless and carried along on a wind that has some other idea of where we are going. How do we get with that program? How do we learn to respond to where the wind is going without our own expectations and preconcieved notions?
A few people have heard the long story of my trip to Africa; how I found myself in repeatedly uncomfortable and unpredictable situations, and yet how much I learned from putting myself out there and how I returned with, well, something to SAY about Malawian life and culture (though I have so, so, so much more to learn). I think that if we let it, life will teach us and give us something to say to our fellow travellers in the end; getting ourselves to listen, that's the hard part. Getting ourselves to let go of our own plans, objectives, resolutions, and expectations... that's what takes a lifetime of blows and unexpected blessings to learn.
Yesterday, I was at a friends house watching the Steelers (another Pittsburghian pastime), and I was looking over a book of the life of the painter Henri Matisse. As I flipped through it, I just got the sense of a life lived practicing and engaging art; you can see his finished works in museums, certainly, but in the book you can see his studies, his unfinished works, his studios, his models, his sketches... you can see the life of the artist lived in moments that will never make it on a museum wall, yet contribute to those moments that show up in the Louvre. That's the kind of life I want. One that engages, that practices, that sketches ideas, that goes at it over and over again, that maybe produces one or two ideas/songs/essays/sentences that are truly good and last longer than I do...maybe. But that's not what's important. What matters is that I keep loving and serving that beauty, no matter what, even when it flows in ways I don't expect. So, to honor this idea, here's one of Matisse's shiningest moments... remember, a lifetime of work went into this:
truly amazing. Hope you have a New Year's Eve something like the moment portrayed in this painting.