Avocadoes as big as your head.

As I begin this post I wish that I had been able to write one everyday since I have been here in Malawi. There is just to much to record, too much to reflect on, too much to share... All that I have bouncing around in my head are little snippets about the produce, the transportation, the people, the music, the churches, etc. At the moment, all of these things just seem like random pieces of a puzzle, where many are still missing. Oh, and time at the computer is short and expensive. So... given all that... what to say?

Since I have been here, I guess nothing has been like I planned. It has all been more confusing, more chaotic, more stressful, more beautiful, and more wonderful than I would ever have anticipated. Because of a major delay on the project that I was supposed to be working on at first, I have had about two (and maybe more) weeks to do whatever I want here in Malawi. A lot of opportunity yes... but when that means no one picking you up at the airport and no one telling you where to go or where to stay, then the reality of God's hand is just about the only thing you can feel between you and falling flat. And then you realize... you can't fall flat. You only have the choice to fear it or not.

So, dozens of unplanned opportunities have come along. Malawians are such friendly people and they are eager to make you comfortable and to teach you about their country. The poverty is, well, unfathomable. Initially, it was hard to seperate it from pictures I have seen--I mean, we all know from tv and magazines what poverty looks like. But when it is in front of you, in person... half of you feels too much and the other half, not enough.

I have been to an orphanage, a hospital, two churches, markets, a secondary school, on a mountain, in the middle of tea plantations, and in dozens of public transportation vehicles packed to the gills. It seems sometimes that everything, absolutely everything, is different here. And the hardest part has been how conspicuous I feel all of the time. It may just be forcing the natural self-consciousness right out of me--I already feel myself starting to care very little about how I look and if I'm liked or not.

I miss home more than I thought I would, and it still feels like a long time before I will get to see it again. But already I have been here more than a week and a half, and time is starting to pick up from the slow pace of the first few crazy days.

Africa, africa. What a big, overwhelming, heartbreaking, mysterious place.